How to Encourage Ageing Parents to Accept Help—Without a Fight
Because getting support shouldn’t feel like giving up.
When you notice that your mum is forgetting her medications, or dad’s once-pristine lawn has turned into a jungle, your instinct is to step in and help. But what do you do when your parents insist they’re “fine”—even when the signs say otherwise?
It’s one of the most common challenges adult children face when supporting ageing parents. And it’s one we hear about often at Sistability.
The truth is, asking for help isn’t easy—especially for older adults who’ve spent a lifetime looking after others. Accepting help can feel like losing independence, admitting weakness, or becoming a burden. So it’s no wonder those conversations can turn emotional fast.
Here’s how to ease into that conversation with empathy, understanding, and a plan that supports everyone involved.
Why Your Parents Might Resist Help
Before we dive into how to talk to your parents, it helps to understand why they may be pushing back.
Pride and dignity: Many older adults were raised to be self-sufficient and may feel embarrassed to ask for help.
Fear of change: Letting someone into their home—or their routine—can feel unsettling.
Worry about cost: Some worry that getting help means expensive fees or losing control of their finances.
Stigma: For some, getting help at home still feels like something only people in ‘real trouble’ need.
Once you understand the emotions behind the resistance, it becomes easier to approach the conversation with compassion, not confrontation.
How to Start the Conversation (Gently)
Timing and tone are everything. Don’t wait until a crisis forces the issue—start the conversation when things are calm.
Try these conversation starters:
“I’ve noticed it’s getting harder to keep up with the garden. How are you feeling about it?”
“I know you’re managing, but I worry that it’s taking a toll. What would make things easier?”
“I found a service that could help with the heavy lifting around the house. Want to try it once and see how it feels?”
The key? Keep it collaborative. Frame it as helping them stay independent longer, not taking over.
Start Small and Build Trust
You don’t have to go from zero to 24/7 care. In fact, it’s better not to.
Try:
A one-off cleaning or gardening service
A fortnightly home check-in for peace of mind
A support worker to help with shopping, errands, or meal prep
Often, once a parent experiences what good support feels like—kind, respectful, and helpful—they’re far more open to ongoing help.
What If They Still Say No?
Sometimes, even with all the right words, your parent still says, “I’m fine.”
That’s okay.
Focus on what you can control:
Keep the conversation open—don’t push too hard, too fast.
Look for opportunities to offer support indirectly (e.g. “Let me organise the lawn guys just this once”).
Talk to a trusted GP, friend, or family member who might influence them.
And most importantly—look after yourself, too. Supporting ageing parents is emotionally exhausting, and you deserve backup.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At Sistability, we work with families every day who are in this exact situation—concerned about their parent, unsure how to help, and running on empty.
We offer:
Free phone consults to talk through your options
Personalised care coordination under Home Care Packages
Compassionate, friendly and reliable services, whether privately funded or government funded.
Whether you’re ready to get started or just need someone to talk to, we’re here for you.
